I have encountered many wise teachings on my journey; I've seen the same themes recurring over and over. I have recognized patterns and similar teachings from many diverse sources. For me, real wisdom is simple; it stands the test of time and it is seen in disparate times and places around the planet. The pearls of wisdom presented below are not new and certainly weren't invented here. These are completely plagiarized! But when I hear the same teaching over and over again, I begin to pay attention. I have culled the following from teachers, priests, family, friends, books, movies, and just paying attention to life. If you find overlaps between the teachings, that's expected. The fact that the same kernel of wisdom shows up in many places reinforces the power of its message. Remember that truth is simple; we humans add the complexity. Enjoy these and feel free to send feedback; share some of your own wisdom with the rest of us.

1. Attention - Pay Attention to the Present Moment
2. Surrender - Let Go
3. Compassion - Pain is Inevitable, Suffering is Optional
4. Awareness - Name Your Demons
5. Exploration - Explore Your Edges
6. Forgiveness - Experience the Power of Forgiveness
7. Openness - Would You Rather Be Right or Happy?
8. Humor - Don't Take Yourself Seriously
9. Meaning - Life is Inherently Meaningless
10. Intention - What You Put Your Attention On Grows Stronger
11. Acceptance - You're Perfect Just As You Are

We'll Just Have To See How Things Turn Out, Shan't We?

"Be here now!" --Ram Dass

"Wherever you go, there you are." -- Jon Kabat-Zinn

"There's no day but today." --Jonathan Larson, Rent

I'm sure you've heard dozens of other spins on this same thought. Paying attention to the present moment is at the heart of every mediation and prayer practice. It makes sense and seems so obvious. The only place we can really be effective is right here and right now. Then why do so many of us spend so much time worrying about the future or regretting the past? We wish we were somewhere else, with someone else or had made different choices. All the woulda/shoulda/coulda's, the if only's, and the what if's distract the mind from the simple, basic truth that here and now is where we can most effectively place our energy. In fact, it's the only place and time we can take any action.

The best instruction I've received for returning to the present when my mind has wandered off is to use the breath as an anchor to this moment. So breathe, relax, watch what happens and allow it to move through. Ahhhhh! I feel better already! Don't you?

"GOD, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference."

"Let go and let God" --12-Step Slogan

"The only thing constant is change." --Unknown

"Deep in the human unconscious is a pervasive need for a logical universe that makes sense. But the real universe is always one step beyond logic." --Frank Herbert, Dune

"The more precisely the position is determined, the less precisely the momentum is known."
--Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle

We want to figure it all out. To believe that we can know all that is knowable. Then Heisenberg came along and rocked the scientific community by stating that, in quantum physics, there is certain knowledge that is unknowable. That the mere act of observing changes the observation. And if the physicists can't figure it out, what chance do the rest of us have?

I love paradox. It has always fascinated me. No matter what system of knowledge humans devise to explain the universe, there are inevitable paradoxes that creep in.(q.v., the Pulitzer-Prize-winning Gödel, Escher, Bach) This illustrates that the universe is beyond all our attempts at categorizing and defining it into neatly wrapped packages. It's full of surprises. Martha Beck writes, "As any good Buddhist will tell you, the only way to find permanent joy is by embracing the fact that nothing is permanent." I believe the only way to find what inviolate qualities our essence holds is by the willingness to let go of everything. Paradoxical, but true.

In the realm of personal experiences, we also want to grasp onto our beliefs tightly and hold on for dear life. We have a pervasive need for security, to know that things will turn out alright (read: the way we want them to). We want a lifeline to grasp and a safety net to catch us. But 2500 years ago, the Buddha taught that one of the fundamental principles of human existence is impermanence. Things are constantly changing. Just look to the natural world for evidence of that. But we don't want things to change, don't want this relationship to end, don't want to grow old, don't want to die. The more we struggle against that, the more we suffer. Psychologists have drawn parallels between insanity and obsessively, rigidly held viewpoints.

There is wonderful imagery in Taoism regarding water. When it encounters a hard object, it doesn't stick, but flows around it. When a tree faces a strong wind, it bends, so as not to break. When faced with the fundamental certainty that life is always moving, changing, evolving, we also need to practice flexibility and the skill of going with the flow. Let go of dogma and rigidity. Let go of fear and relax into love. Surrender your self-importance and have faith. Go with the flow.

"Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they are yours." --Richard Bach

Rule #1: Don't sweat the small stuff.
Rule #2: It's all small stuff.

The quote above, "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional" is from meditation teacher and Jewish grandmother Sylvia Boorstein. She is paraphrasing the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism. Life is painful, the Buddha taught, we cannot avoid it. The misinformed will point at this teaching as proof that Buddhists are a dour and miserable lot. But the Buddha also pointed a way out of the cycle of suffering, the so-called wheel of samsara. We will experience painful situations. How we respond determines how long the suffering from that painful experience continues.

We suffer when we cling to pain, when we don't let it go. This is the basis for victim mentality. Even though they will tell you differently, the victim loves to suffer. It is the fuel for their righteous indignation. Their other tool is injustice. They have been done wrong and they have the evidence to prove it. They relive the experience over and over in their minds. They punish the alleged perpetrator hundreds of times for the same slight. I know from personal experience that the victim energy is very seductive. But it's insidious in that it never wants us to grow beyond our limitations. No, instead it wallows in them. At worse, it fuels revenge and the cycle of pain and violence.

Avoid the need to place blame, q.v., Secret of Life #6. Take responsibility for your own actions, make amends if you need to, then forgive yourself and move on. Above all, have compassion for your own humanness. You're in good company.

"Only that dawn dawns to which we are awake"--Henry David Thoreau

"Knowing you have a problem is the first step to overcoming it."

In occult lore, every demon has a secret or true name. If a demonologist can learn the secret name of a summoned demon, then he has full control over that demon. In our day-to-day lives, we contend with our own demons in the shape of negative thoughts and repetitive unhealthy behaviors. We walk around most of the time on automatic pilot, being pulled this way and that by patterned conditioning. The named Buddha means awakened one and he was one of the first to extol us to live our lives more deliberately. The first step is awareness. Can we name that which has power over us, all those unconscious compulsions and repulsions? Can we wake up to our own lives?

A frequent question by new meditators is about how to deal with powerful negative (or positive, for that matter) thoughts and emotions while meditating. The instruction is generally on the lines of this: don't pursue, deny, judge or justify. Simply name what you're experiencing, let it go and return to the focus of your meditation, e.g., the breath. Pursuing or denying, that is, trying to hold onto an emotion or trying to push it away, are two sides of the same coin. Both tend to intensify the emotion and take you away from present moment awareness.

In his book Taming Your Gremlins, Richard Carson extols us to simply notice our gremlins, read: demons, and whatever you do, don't grapple with them. That's just what they want us to do and they'll win every time. What infuriates them, as well as disempowers them, is not engaging them. Notice them, "Oh, here you are again; I know you," and then act anyway. For example, courage is not the absence of fear. To be courageous is recognize you are afraid and to act anyway.

Think of emotion as e-motion, i.e., (e)nergy in motion. Energy wants to move, not to stay stuck in one place. By wallowing in or staunchly denying the experience, we're trying to stick it in one place. Instead, aim for the middle ground and let the energy move. Also avoid justifying the experience or judging yourself for having it. These have the same sticky quality. So what do we do in this case? Breathe, relax, watch, feel, name what's happening, and allow it to pass. It's harder than it sounds,the ego is a trickster, but trust me, it's well worth the practice.

"Our mission is to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable."

"I tell my kids to make plenty of mistakes. Just not to keep repeating the same ones." - Susan Sarandon

"The basic difference between an ordinary person and a warrior is that a warrior takes everything as a challenge, while an ordinary person takes everything as a blessing or a curse." –Don Juan

In yoga, there is a frequent instruction that we are to stretch to our comfortable limit, and then take it just a bit further. We explore this spot and play with our tolerance. Real growth happens at the edge. Don't go far enough and we stagnate in our comfortable usualness. Push too far and we risk injury and rebounding. We may even become gun-shy against exploring that place again. Rather play with the edge.

Pema Chodron advises us to go to places to scare us. Avoidance only strengthens our fear. But do it with gentleness and compassion instead of steadfast defiance. There's also a significant factor of awareness and responsibility here. Be honest with yourself about what you're feeling when challenging your limits and honor that. Be responsible for your growth instead of being the victim of circumstance.

Making mistakes is good. We are like feedback machines. When a machine receives positive feedback, it just keeps doing what it's doing. It's only when faced with negative feedback, that it makes a course correction. So growth, evolution and change arise from making mistakes, from letting life nail us, so to speak, and then learning from that and moving on with increased awareness of our tender spots.

"My Mama told me, Son, forget what might have been
Give yourself a break whatever's happening
Don't let your spirit, Son, come closin' in
You got to give it room, and let it sing"
--Jeanine Tesori & Brian Crawley, Violet—A New Musical

"In some ways to be able to forgive, to let go, is a type of dying. It is the ability to say, 'I am not that person anymore, and you are not that person anymore.' Forgiveness allows us to recapture some part of ourselves that we left behind in bondage to a past event." --Sharon Salzburg

"We'd be wise to question why we hold a grudge as if it were going to make us happy and ease our pain. It's rather like eating rat poison and thinking the rat will die. Our desire for relief and the methods we use to achieve it are definitely not in synch." --Pema Chodron

Forgiveness--what a misunderstood concept! Let me tell you what I think forgiveness isn't first. Forgiveness is not condoning the harmful actions of another nor does it justify those actions. Forgiveness is not weakness or stupidity. A person in an abusive situation doesn't stay in the situation and justify her behavior by saying she's forgiving her abuser. Forgiveness does not mean that you have to continue to have a relationship with the person you're forgiving or even to ever see them again. Lastly, forgiveness is not a decision like flipping a light switch, but a process take takes time and cultivation.

So what is forgiveness, then? Forgiveness is less about the other person and more about ourselves. It is letting go of a past hurt so we don't have to keep on reliving it or carrying around that poisonous energy. It is using compassion, especially towards ourselves, to let go of resentment, envy, hatred, grudges--all of which do infinitely more harm to us than to the object of our antipathy. It is difficult for me to put it into words better than what Sharon Salzburg and Pema Chodron have in the quotes above (reread those now!)

A radical approach to forgiveness is to send loving-kindness towards our enemy (or perceived enemy). Why would we want to wish our enemy well? Think about it. If our enemy is free from his own pain, if he is well, happy and peaceful, then he has no reason to engage in the harmful activities which made him our enemy in the first place. Practicing forgiveness is not easy, but like everything else, it gets exponentially better with continual practice. And its liberating rewards are worth every effort we put forth.

"I can choose peace instead of this."

"Give up the need to rigorously defend your point of view." --Deepak Chopra

"In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert's there are few." --Suzuki Roshi

"Seek first to understand, then to be understood" --Stephen R. Covey, Habit #5 from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

Have you ever met the person who would rather be dead than ever admit they were wrong? When you yourself are having a debate over a subject that is passionate to you, do you ever get frustrated that the other guy isn't listening. Or if we could just use the right words to get our point across, we'd convince our sparring partner that we were right?

We hate to be embarrassed (see Secret of Life #8). We love to add meaning to everything (see Secret of Life #9). We feel competitively driven to win arguments. We have this insatiable need to look good. Wouldn't life be so much easier if we loosen our stranglehold, ease up and give up the need to convince anyone of anything? By the time a friendly debate degenerates into an argument, the other guy ain't gonna be listening to what we have to say anyway. If we want to convey a message, we can simply point the way but then respect the other person enough to let them accept or reject or process that information however they're going to. We can't change another person. Sure we can threaten, cajole, plead, intimidate and have the illusion of control. But ultimately, one can only change oneself. So why do we spend all that energy trying to change the behavior or opinions of others?

Does this mean we have to roll over and accept everything everyone else tells us? I didn't say that. We are free to listen and make our own informed choices. We see those people who stick fingers in their ears when confronted with new ideas as if just hearing the words will corrupt them in some way. Well, if our much vaunted beliefs and values cannot stand up to a little scrutiny, questioning or a difference in opinion, how strong are they, really?

So next time, instead of trying your damnedest to win the argument, shut up, let go and listen to what the other guy has to say. With our minds open, we may just learn something from them. And if we respect and listen to them, they may return the courtesy to us.

I'll finish with the story of a scholar and a Zen master meeting over a cup of tea. The Zen master asks the scholar what he knows about Zen. The scholar, needing no further invitation, begins to reel off pages of literary allusions, footnotes, and parts of old lectures. As the scholar talks, the Zen master pours....and pours. The tea overflows the cup and pools on the table. When the legs and feet of the scholar are thoroughly soaked he follows the trail of tea back to the smiling face of the Zen master. "Why, do you continue to pour when my cup is full to overflowing?" asks the scholar with some indignation. "How, can I teach you anything until you first empty your cup!"

"And the best thing you've ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously
It's only life after all, yeah..."--Closer to Fine, Indigo Girls

"Life's too important to be taken seriously."--Oscar Wilde

Learn to laugh at yourself. Let's face it, life is absurd! Look at all the operatic melodrama we add to it. All the stories we tell. All the hoops we jump through and awkward, embarrassing situations we experience just to get things to come out the way we think we want them to come out! Ha ha!

Humans debate endlessly on the nature of God. But one trait I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that He/She has is a rollicking good sense of humor! Imagine yourself looking down from above on the needless craziness we humans put ourselves through. It's a riot!

Does this mean I think we should laugh at terrible things like rape, child abuse or genocide? Of course not! What I'm suggesting is that we stop treating all of our trivial, day-to-day dramas as if they had the same weight as rape, child abuse or genocide. Let's try to make molehills out of mountains for a change.

Professional comedians base a good deal of their material on pain. Everything from embarrassment and humiliation to pratfalls and slapstick is grist for their mill. And we laugh because we identify with those painful situations. It's easy to laugh at someone else's misfortune when presented in a comic situation. Can we do the same thing with our own foibles and learn to laugh at ourselves?

The qualities of a healthy psyche include flexibility and adaptability. Seriousness is very rigid, stubborn and immovable. If we lighten up, we become more adaptable and fluid, able to laugh off our mistakes and start living again with a bounce in our step and a lightness in our heart.

"Don't get caught up in the drama. All those elaborate stories we tell ourselves--about loss, failure, shattered hope, betrayal, blame--are not what is most true about who we are. Detaching from the story's plot line, even just a little, makes possible another move, a plunge deeper in, to the story below the story." --Noelle Oxenhandler

"Life is empty and meaningless and it doesn't mean anything that it doesn't mean anything." --Landmark Forum

I know this statement seems very nihilistic at first glance, but I ask that you hear me out. Zen Buddhists talk about "don't know" mind as a state to cultivate during meditation. It is an expansive, open space which is free of judgment, prejudice and preconception. Beginner's mind is a similar concept which asks us to treat each meditation session, each experience, each moment as if you are encountering it for the first time.

This is not how we humans tend to approach life. All of our experiences are colored by our past, our expectations, our longing, hopes and fears. Only a rare few of us see reality from moment to moment. Instead we see life through filtered glasses that project meaning on everything.

For example, there is a rose in front of you. It may bring up a well of love in your heart for your beloved. I may see that same rose and feel pangs of longing for a lost love. An artist may see the rose and experience its beauty, the lushness of its color and want to reproduce it on canvas. A botanist may see not a rose, but a specimen of Rosa gallica officinalis.

To be able to remember, interpret, extrapolate, construe, infer, and conjecture are all crucial cognitive abilities. Without them, we would be unable to learn. Yet they can also limit us when we cannot differentiate what we infer with what is actually occurring.

Your boss dismisses the idea you've been working on for months and you feel devastated. You start updating your resume not knowing that her daughter is home sick with the flu and she can't focus her attention on you right now. Or else the guy you've been dating hasn't returned a phone call or email in almost a week, so you conclude he's obviously lost interest. Then you remember that he's a tax accountant and it's April 14th.

We add layers upon layers of meaning to everything. We impose our limited vision on everything and treat it as if it were reality. Can we let go of the story and look closer, separate what is from the meaning we've added? Sometimes a rose is just a rose.

"We are all a paradoxical bundle of rich potential that consists of both neurosis and wisdom." --Pema Chodron

"The spiritual path is a process of unmasking ourselves rather than changing or repairing ourselves." --Charlotte Kasl

We have this notion that there's something inherently wrong with us. Call it original sin or perhaps it's because we were told we were worthless as children, we have this sense that we need fixing. So we embark upon self-help programs or we go to psychotherapy to repair what's broken inside; we're always trying to better ourselves. Even if we're comfortable with who we are, so many of us are constantly running around trying to find the Next Big Thing. Try this radical idea on for size: you are prefect just as you are right now. There's nothing to be fixed, since there's nothing wrong with you.

This sounds a lot like the Be Here Now principle (see Secret of Life #1). Well, it's true that if you're always trying to fix yourself or trying to find the next thing, it's difficult to be comfortable in your own skin, right at this very moment. But then doesn't this contradict what I said in Secret of Life #2 about impermanence? If we're perfect right now and things are constantly changing, won't we be imperfect in the future? Sorry, kids, but this is one of those paradoxes of life. Things are constantly changing and we are still perfect in each of those moments.

Okay, then, if all that is true, why should I try anymore? Why don't I just become a slacker and sit on the couch eating Bon-Bons? Well, you could do that and you'd still be perfect. Look, I'm not proposing that we don't learn new things, take care of our bodies and our health, go to the gym, take courses, practice meditation, see psychotherapists, etc. What I'm asking for is a shift in our perspective on our motivation to do these things. Instead of seeing these activities as correcting our flaws, how about doing them to honor who we are as human beings? Or to experience the richness, fullness and diversity of life? How about exalting ourselves as God's creations? Or exploring the wonders the world has to offer or simply playing with the energy of being alive? Hmmm, looking at it take way certainly motivates me much more than thinking I'm a flat tire in need of fixin'! How about you?

I was working in the fields at Findhorn in Scotland, knee-deep in compost while a chilly wind blew in off the North Sea. I was attending Experience Week at Findhorn Village, a spiritual community and eco-village near Inverness (and Loch Ness!). Part of the each day was spent working within the community, so I chose to work in Culhern Gardens, an organic farm.

Working with me that crisp autumn morning was Tanya, a native of South Africa who I heard had psychic abilities. Tanya had helped my friend Delphine earlier in the week by relaying a message from her late husband. I was struggling with a situation back home to which I desperately wanted to know the outcome. Working side by side with Tanya, I remembered how she had psychically helped Delphine. She had also revealed to me that I had been a Benedictine monk in a former life, so I had had my own experience with her psychic gift.

Then it hit me like a flash that I could take this opportunity to tap into Tanya's psychic resources to help me with my the quandary which had been preoccupying me. Hey, she had helped Delphine, so now she could guide me as well, right? So I launched into a diatribe of my dilemma complete with all the operatic details. I concluded with a coy look on my face, almost as if I were saying, "I wonder, however will things turn out for li'l ol' me?" Then I leaned back on my rake and waited for divine guidance to descend on me like manna from heaven.

Tanya continued working without speaking for several minutes as the silence stretched out almost beyond bearing. Finally, she stopped raking, stood up straight and said in her lilting South African accent, "We'll just have to see how things turn out, shan't we?" What?! I was flabbergasted! Where was my psychic answer, my spirit guidance? Then I caught myself and began laughing at my foolishness. What a humbling reminder that there are no shortcuts on our life's journey. No worthwhile ones anyway. I'm glad Tanya didn't rob me of the experience.

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So is that all there is? Of course not! There is a lot more depth to each of these teachings. And there are many other teachings to consider. In what I present here, realize that I am briefly introducing these concepts, only scratching the surface. Whole volumes have been written on each of these topics. I'm merely trying to pique your curiosity with the hopes you will investigate further. I wish you well on your journey. Namaste.